A few months back I wrote a thing about how I felt that I was in a waiting period (Sidebar: that is literally how this entire blog could be described -- "I wrote a thing"). I remember writing that I felt like I was just holding my breath, waiting for the plunge into something great and big. Now I'm writing to amend that sentiment. I agree with my past self: there are times that we feel that we're stuck in a less-exciting time, where fewer big things are happening. Maybe we've just come off a big event (AIMS, anyone?), or maybe we're anticipating a big life change. Maybe there's somewhere you want to be but you just can't seem to get there. Maybe something keeps you the place where you are, though you long to be somewhere else.
I've had this thought on my mind for a while, but I'm kind of struggling to put it into words. Here's my attempt:
There's really no such thing as a waiting period. Life is happening always.
I hope this makes sense to someone other than me. I've felt like I'm waiting for things, but if you just sit back and let stuff happen, then you're allowing your life to whiz by you without experiencing it. That's part of your adventure that you're allowing to pass you by. It's a part of your adventure you're not experiencing.
Life isn't comprised of blocks of time where things are happening and blocks of time where nothing is happening. That's not how that goes. Whether you feel like many things are happening to you at once or that nothing truly spectacular is going on right now, you're still living. You're experiencing the life God's given you.
The long and short of this stream of early-morning thoughts is this: don't sit around and simply wait for bigness. Bigness is happening all the time, all around you. Haven't you read books where the characters felt like nothing particularly special was happening to them, but you knew all along that everything was developing all around them -- they just couldn't see it? Your life is the same way. So much is happening all around you, always -- it could be developing in the background, or you just may not be able to see it. But your adventure is taking shape around you constantly. Open your eyes. Look around you. As I read recently, "Life is happening now."
So go live. Don't wait. Don't wait for whatever you feel you're waiting for. You are where you are for a reason. Enjoy the place God's placed you. At a church thing this past semester, someone admonished single people not to resent their singleness. I'm going to take and apply this across the board to life in general. Wherever you are, don't resent it. Don't wait for it to be different. I'll repeat: don't resent it! It's beautiful, where you are. I feel like I heard this on a movie when I was a kid, or something: Isn't it better to appreciate where you are, rather than always wishing to be somewhere else? And if I didn't hear that on a movie when I was a kid, then you can quote me.
So don't wish you were somewhere else. I know that sometimes there's a place you want to be. I totally get that, y'all. There are plenty of places I've wanted to be but couldn't be in just yet. Let me tell you, this last semester has felt like a series of Nothing Particularly Special Is Happening To Sara. Not that beautiful things didn't happen -- they did, most definitely! This semester was so hard but so, so beautiful (that's another blog post, probably to be written directly after this). But not as many "big" events happened to me as I've felt happened in past semesters. Maybe that's just my shifting perspective; maybe that's post-AIMS syndrome (from which I think I'll be suffering from the rest of my life, let's be honest). But that doesn't mean this semester hasn't been gorgeous. In fact, I think this is the best semester I've ever had.
Stop waiting, y'all. Life is happening all around you, right now. Your adventure isn't coming tomorrow or in a week or three months or when you graduate or when you get your life together or whatever (Honestly, does anyone actually have their life together? I'd like to meet them so I can punch them in the face). Adventure doesn't happen when you're ready or when you feel you've had adequate time to prepare for it or when you've anticipated it for long enough. That's the thing about adventures: they come when you're least expecting them. Don't you love that and hate it at the same time? I do. I can't prepare for it, and I'm a consummate preparer. But that's the beauty of it: they come when you don't feel ready. So go live. Don't wait.
As I write this, I'm sitting at the dining room table at my childhood home. This room is one of my favorite in the house, not just because it's basically where all of my family's lives intersect, but because the windows in here provide a perfect view of our gorgeous backyard. If I sit in my favorite chair at this time of day, then I can watch the sun ascend. Somehow winter sunrises are some of the most gorgeous and poignant I've ever seen, and God always seems to outdo Himself every morning. This morning the sky is pale blue, and the sun streams golden into the room, into my eyes and onto my sickly self (the flu is no joke, y'all. Neither is food poisoning -- I'm still not 100% sure which one I've got, as weird as that sounds). I wish I could describe this sunrise to you, but as usual, words fail to describe God's beauty. I love that His creation reflects Him, and that this sunrise is just a poorer version of Him in some way that I fail to comprehend. As I've probably said before, sunrises make me feel adventurous. I want to go out and run five miles and climb a mountain and smell pine needles and lie in the leaves in my backyard and read old-smelling books. I can't do those things right now (stupid sickness), but I hope that whether or not I'm sick, I never ever stop being adventurous. I hope I never again wait for my life to happen to me. It's happening all around.
Go out. Be adventurous today. Live. Your life is happening now. Don't let it pass without realizing what a beautiful thing it is to live true.