Tomorrow I'm headed to another summer program. My bag is (kind of) packed, my tickets have been checked, and I have made about a billion lists -- and crossed off just as many things from those lists. I've been looking forward to this for months. I am so excited to learn and sing (a lot). I am excited be in a new place and make new friends. I am excited to see how God moves in me in a new place. But can I tell you a secret?
I am afraid.
It's so stupid. I have been fantasizing about this for literally months. And right up against it, I shrink back in fear. I quail at the thought of all the things that could happen. I shake my head and take a few steps backward as I shake a little bit in my shoes.
This happened last year, too, on the day I went to AIMS. I just felt really weird for most of the morning. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just felt very off. I feel that way now, too: everything is strangely surreal, like I'm having an out-of-body experience. I wander around in a daze. Today I made up a song called "Walking 'Round My House Doing Things." I sang it as I wandered around the kitchen while watching Saving Private Ryan (Discovering that my dad has it on DVR was the best part of my day). My soul feels agitated, strained, a little frightened. And I don't know what it is.
We are always afraid before the big things.
As much as that sucks, it's the gospel truth. We just are. And we're afraid because it's big. We can't control it, and we don't know what it is. We kind of know how to go about it, but not really. So we're just kind of faking it and hoping nobody knows it. We would much rather hide and not deal with it at all.
But at the root of your soul, you know better. So do I. You know that you want to do this thing. My mom asked me if I would go back and change my mind. I instantly responded No. I know I want to do this. It's not the Big Thing that scares you. It's the doing of the Big Thing.
Let me tell you (and me!) something: this fear? It's part of the adventure. You know it. I know it. It's a necessary thing. Otherwise there would be no risk. There wouldn't be an adventure. And how boring would that be?
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls. Hebrews 10:39
My friends. In Christ, we are 100% safe. He is with us in the fear, in the trenches, as in the all the other moments. He knows that you fear, because He knows what it's like to be you. But He whispers in your ear that reassuring Promise of promises: I am here.
The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor.
So let's not shrink back. We will not listen to the fear voices. We will declare in a still, small voice that we have a God bigger than the fear, bigger than the Big Thing -- and He will do this.
We will not shrink back. We will have faith. We will have Adventure.
Let's do this.