Recently, as I begin the season of graduate school auditions, I've experienced some self-perpetuated fear. As if to point out the deep-seated lies that fear tells, I keep hearing , over and over and over again, the Spirit of God whisper the same things to me. The other day I was driving home from school, and I kept hearing the same words again and again in my heart's ear -- so I wrote them down. This is what they seemed to say.

Darling,
It’s Me.
It’s always been Me, and you know it.
I’m in the sky over your hair,
The sky that makes you tilt your head back and grin broadly.
Your smile makes Me want to weep with joy.
I’m in the air under your fingertips,
Though you wish you’d worn gloves today.
I’m in the music in your ears,
Music that makes you dance and sing,
Sing for days, sing forever —
And of course it does.
I made your voice.

Darling,
I know how you’re quaking.
I know you feel that your fear threatens to swallow you whole.
You fear it’s all been one cruel joke —
One gorgeous, fleeting gift,
Given only for a moment,
Given for the sole purpose of later jerking the rug out from underneath your earthbound body
And then demanding the trust you’ve always been afraid you’ll have to give, someday:
Trust in the sneering face of every dream you’ve ever had crumbling into rubble around your weeping shoulders.
In your deepest, most secret place,
You wonder if I am the close-fisted tyrant you’ve always feared I am.

Darling.
My darling.
It isn’t true.
What can I say to you to tell you that it isn’t true?
Look at My hands:
They are bleeding, have bled for you.

Darling, oh My darling,
The light of My eyes,
The joy of My heart.
I love you.

I love you beyond comprehension, beyond the universe,
And when I’ve long passed the limits of your imagination, I love you more still.

Darling,
I see your fear, and I will raise you this:
I will take care of you.
Darling,
I hear you when you tell me that your intellect knows that I have something beautiful in mind,
But that you want what you want.
I see you.
I feel the ache of your heart.
I know what it’s like to be you.
But darling,
oh My darling,
Light of My eyes,
the fact remains:

I Am God, and you are not.
And as I am God,
I love you.

Darling,
I have always been gracious to you,
Always been kind.
I love to give you good gifts.
I love to watch your face light up and your joy rise like a wall of water.
I love to watch your heart overflow.
I have given you every gift you’ve ever received,
And I have received your thanks with great joy in My own heart.
Why do you fear, now, that I am cruel?

Darling.
You hear the usual words repeated to you,
And you worry a little bit because your heart has ceased to feel their meaning.
I speak them to your heart, breathe them into your soul,
A soul that is sick to death of fear:
I love you.
I love you.
And whatever you receive from My hand comes from a Heart
That is totally, unabashedly enamored of you.
I am not in the business of giving you a curse.
Everything that crosses your path is a gift from Me — 
Though you may not know it.
I only ever give beauty,
Though you may not see it —
At least, not yet.

Darling —
I love you to the end of the world and the end of endless eternity and further still.
You are My joy.
I will go with you.
I do go with you.
I am closer than the air you breathe.
I have no concept of personal space —
For I am all over and in and around the five-foot-four-inches that you inhabit in your body.
That is, of course, the human measurement.
I measure you differently,
Which is to say I don’t measure you at all.

You are My joy.
I love to give to you.
My entire face would light up with gladness
If you would really accept what I have given you,
With an open heart and open arms and shameless receiving,
Brazenly grabbing up all I have offered you and dancing around the room with it.
Isn’t that what children do?
Aren’t you My darling daughter?

What I have given you may not always look like what you expect.
It may look hard.
It may make you cry.
It may be exactly the opposite of what you wanted.
It’s still the best thing I have to give,
For the simple reason that I love you,
And I don’t mess up when it comes to you.

Because, darling,
I love you so.

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